A New Life

I'm feeling a bit of a need to brag. This is not coming from vanity, self-righteous behavior, or any sort of gloating. More from that exuberant, intensely proud part that comes when one feels they're finally doing something right. 

This July I made a decision to stop. Stop blaming myself, blaming others, blaming anything and take the control God can give me to stop my obesity.

I've been on at least one diet a year since the age of 14. To be honest, I probably started sooner than that, but I distinctly remember watching an infomercial diet that advertised individuality, appealing to my adolescent need for self-distinction. Acquiring the diet plan didn't take much pleading, as my parents have been continually and rightfully concerned for my health and encourage all healthy actions to better myself. The diet plan worked a bit; I was only 5-10 lbs overweight at the time (based on the BMI index, not age) and as long as I could keep up with my "individualized" diet and exercise plan would I be able to succeed. Only... I was stifled. My diet plan consisted of few foods which appealed to my palate, so I ended up eating only baked fries, salad, egg whites, toast, and lean chicken. Not bad meals, really, but when that's all you can eat, every day... reverting back is almost irresistible.

I miss Belle :(

Since then I've steadily gained weight. I've tried the aforementioned Six Week Body Makeover, no fat/fried/sweets, eating baked fish 24/7, Weight Watchers, South Beach Diet, counting calories. I've tried exercise plans like Slim in 6, Tae Bo, Wii Fit, etc. I even tried applying for the Lap-Band, although the qualifications at the time were more stringent and costly than I could afford. All with fast short term results, instant gratification, and no staying power. Weight Watchers and South Beach were the best ones in terms of my dedication, and I can definitely see people using those plans, losing weight, and staying healthy. In fact, every diet I've tried has merit. There are people who've used them in a non-clinical atmosphere and had success. I am not one of those people, and blaming myself for failing has led me to higher weight and more depression.

This July I realized my problem. I'm too focused on the here and now, on being a size 2 next month. I'm too focused on adding strict rules, numbers, gadgetry, anything to make it "easier" that invariably I get bogged down and hopeless. I'm too focused on food in general. I don't want to keep a food journal. I don't want to try and figure out how many points are in every piece of food I put in my mouth for the rest of my life, or give up certain whole food groups (minus fats & sweets) only to bloat back up the moment it crosses my lips. This isn't true of everyone, just of me. My teenage individuality is rearing its head :).

So I've made my life simple. Rather than start a short term diet, I've changed my complete lifestyle. Rather than maintaining a strict count what I'm consuming, I'm keeping a fluid  knowledge of what is best for my body in terms of healthy weight loss (calories, fat, protein, sodium, fiber) . If I cross that, I'll forgive myself and do better the next day. Rather than eating only certain types of bland healthy foods, I'm eating all types, focusing on eating more fruits and veggies but not limiting myself to only those. I've subscribed to Cooking Light, one of the best decisions I've made on my road to being healthy, cooking primarily from its contents. I have cut out certain foods, not groups, that lead me back to bingeing (sp?), like potato chips and candy and certain types of cooking that have no nutritional value (e.g. frying).

Say No to Chips

I have had to accept parts of myself that I wanted to reject, such as the knowledge that I will always want to over-eat, I will always want to choose convenience over health, I will always want to be lazy rather than exercise :). Submitting to those wants has put me here in the first place. 

But the reward for taking a hold of my life has been sweet. I can see myself changing, my outlook happier, my complexion even clearing. I feel more confident in my skin and confident in change. I don't obsess about food as much as am aware. I'm watching my daughters enjoy foods many of their peers abhor.

Roasted Butternut Squash and Bacon Pasta, Cooking Light

The best part? I've lost 22.8 lbs over the past 9 weeks. My goal is 30 lbs this year, continuing over the next year and half until I'm back in a healthy weight range. Hurray!

May excitement

I caaaaaann't wait! Agh, so excited! I just got a shipping notification for the new Sookie Stackhouse book, Dead and Gone, by Charlaine Harris. I preordered this months and months ago and had mostly forgotten about it. I love this series, I've been following it since I was a sophomore in college. Go get the first book, Dead until Dark, and start reading! I promise you'll be hooked! If you don't like the HBO series True Blood, that doesn't mean you won't like the books. I think that Alan Ball just took the setting, the names of the characters, and made up his own storyline.
I also am getting to go see Wicked with the sister this July. I love Broadway shows and haven't been to one in nine years, so I'm seriously overdue. This is one I've been wanting to see for a while.

Since I posted last L has mostly learned to crawl. She kind of rocks back and forth and then hops a little, then gets up on her toes, and suddenly she's a foot further than she had been. It's the oddest crawling I've ever seen, but she still has time to master it :). She also learned to sit herself up last night, but I wasn't there to see it :(. Her word/sound of choice at the moment is 'dada', though I think she might be saying it just to say something, rather than knowing the meaning behind the deconstructed noun.

A keeps saying more and more words, making more complicated sentences, and astounding us with what she's learned. This may be normal for a two year old, but a few nights ago she counted to six (skipping four, she doesn't like four). After that the rest of the night (except when we tried to get her to do it for Grandma and Granddad) she would at least count to three when I asked her to count. Her favorite word for the past few days is "Awesome!", her favorite phrases tying at "Oh Goodness!" and "Aw, man!"

I added a video of M and A, with A saying I love you to Granddad and Grandma. Yes, that's only to two people, but if you haven't seen her in a while you can watch her be shy for once.

Speaking of videos, I was looking through the ones lately and found the one Matt had shot with the web cam when L first did her bunny crawl. I would put it up, but it's kind of long, she doesn't go as far as we were hoping, and I look like a beached whale. I avoid mirrors, but this I could not avoid. I honestly did not realize I had gotten that fat, I had become that person in the supermarket that I could relate to myself and say 'At least I'm not that big' (yep, sensitive I know). So, super weight loss time. No more excuses. Any time I'm feeling tired and don't want to cook, or want to eat the Puff corn M brings home, I'm going to watch this video. Then picture that cow walking down the aisle in a bridesmaid dress. Weight watchers and Slim in 6, here I come.