A New Life

I'm feeling a bit of a need to brag. This is not coming from vanity, self-righteous behavior, or any sort of gloating. More from that exuberant, intensely proud part that comes when one feels they're finally doing something right. 

This July I made a decision to stop. Stop blaming myself, blaming others, blaming anything and take the control God can give me to stop my obesity.

I've been on at least one diet a year since the age of 14. To be honest, I probably started sooner than that, but I distinctly remember watching an infomercial diet that advertised individuality, appealing to my adolescent need for self-distinction. Acquiring the diet plan didn't take much pleading, as my parents have been continually and rightfully concerned for my health and encourage all healthy actions to better myself. The diet plan worked a bit; I was only 5-10 lbs overweight at the time (based on the BMI index, not age) and as long as I could keep up with my "individualized" diet and exercise plan would I be able to succeed. Only... I was stifled. My diet plan consisted of few foods which appealed to my palate, so I ended up eating only baked fries, salad, egg whites, toast, and lean chicken. Not bad meals, really, but when that's all you can eat, every day... reverting back is almost irresistible.

I miss Belle :(

Since then I've steadily gained weight. I've tried the aforementioned Six Week Body Makeover, no fat/fried/sweets, eating baked fish 24/7, Weight Watchers, South Beach Diet, counting calories. I've tried exercise plans like Slim in 6, Tae Bo, Wii Fit, etc. I even tried applying for the Lap-Band, although the qualifications at the time were more stringent and costly than I could afford. All with fast short term results, instant gratification, and no staying power. Weight Watchers and South Beach were the best ones in terms of my dedication, and I can definitely see people using those plans, losing weight, and staying healthy. In fact, every diet I've tried has merit. There are people who've used them in a non-clinical atmosphere and had success. I am not one of those people, and blaming myself for failing has led me to higher weight and more depression.

This July I realized my problem. I'm too focused on the here and now, on being a size 2 next month. I'm too focused on adding strict rules, numbers, gadgetry, anything to make it "easier" that invariably I get bogged down and hopeless. I'm too focused on food in general. I don't want to keep a food journal. I don't want to try and figure out how many points are in every piece of food I put in my mouth for the rest of my life, or give up certain whole food groups (minus fats & sweets) only to bloat back up the moment it crosses my lips. This isn't true of everyone, just of me. My teenage individuality is rearing its head :).

So I've made my life simple. Rather than start a short term diet, I've changed my complete lifestyle. Rather than maintaining a strict count what I'm consuming, I'm keeping a fluid  knowledge of what is best for my body in terms of healthy weight loss (calories, fat, protein, sodium, fiber) . If I cross that, I'll forgive myself and do better the next day. Rather than eating only certain types of bland healthy foods, I'm eating all types, focusing on eating more fruits and veggies but not limiting myself to only those. I've subscribed to Cooking Light, one of the best decisions I've made on my road to being healthy, cooking primarily from its contents. I have cut out certain foods, not groups, that lead me back to bingeing (sp?), like potato chips and candy and certain types of cooking that have no nutritional value (e.g. frying).

Say No to Chips

I have had to accept parts of myself that I wanted to reject, such as the knowledge that I will always want to over-eat, I will always want to choose convenience over health, I will always want to be lazy rather than exercise :). Submitting to those wants has put me here in the first place. 

But the reward for taking a hold of my life has been sweet. I can see myself changing, my outlook happier, my complexion even clearing. I feel more confident in my skin and confident in change. I don't obsess about food as much as am aware. I'm watching my daughters enjoy foods many of their peers abhor.

Roasted Butternut Squash and Bacon Pasta, Cooking Light

The best part? I've lost 22.8 lbs over the past 9 weeks. My goal is 30 lbs this year, continuing over the next year and half until I'm back in a healthy weight range. Hurray!

The Little Boy Who Didn't Know That Letters Grew On Trees

As Wes told me this past weekend, I've been a long time in that corner. Maybe it's time for me to climb out.

This past month and a half have been the most stressful of my life. On the opposite side of the coin, however, I've come to see just how wonderful our family is. Aly and Lorelei daily lift my spirits by just being Aly and Lorelei, by having unwavering trust that we'll take care of them. I wish I could take that lesson to heart. We've been blessed emotionally and financially by our family, and not a week goes by without someone out of the blue asking how we are and letting us know that we've been on their minds and in their prayers. We have not had knowledge of any unsupportive people, and for this I am incredibly thankful. I am constantly bewildered by all the love flowing from all around us.

Aly's birthday came and went without much fanfare. We had decided before the evil Frito-Lay/Dollar General coup that we would take Aly and Hailee, her cousin, to New Orleans Childrens Museum for her birthday. Unfortunately that didn't come about, and my mother and father took up the reins and gave her a small family birthday party. It was wonderful.

On the job market we've had quite a few up and downs, hopes revived and dashed. Matt currently has the best chance he's had this past month with an Assistant Manager position at Game Stop. He's become good friends with the Petal branch store manager, had an interview with the district manager, and we're currently waiting the couple of weeks it will take for the position to be open. Nothing is final yet, but it is a lot closer than any other option we've had. Can you imagine a better job for Matt than that? He'll get to manage retail as he loves, and talk about his favorite subject all day long. Please keep Matt in your thoughts and prayers that this job will come to fruition.

I will have to get a job, however. I've been mainly looking in the health field, as they have the best insurance. Keep me in your prayers that I will be able to find a job that outweighs the loss of staying home with the kids and putting them in day care.

We've also started moving Aly and Lorelei in together. We borrowed the Warren's toddler bed for Aly to use for a couple months until Lorelei is ready for it. I honestly thought it would probably be her second birthday before she would be mature enough to try the toddler bed, but I might be wrong. She definitely got the concept yesterday when we put it together for Aly. Decisions, decisions. We're making Aly's room into a play room/guest room to offer a bit more versatility when family comes to visit (and hopefully keep their toys contained).

Will post pictures from the past few months next time :).